| I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
|
[23 May 2006|12:47am] |
But now
The tables have turned
There's one seat left and mine and you’re still, choking on your word
No, wonder why your still alone
A body bruised and beaten blue and black
No, wonder why you sleep with the window open
You do this to yourself
Limping to your car
Never thought it would end like this,
But your hero in his armor wasn't playing with those fists
So innocent and still
You lay against your truck's window
Replaying what looks to me as karma
Taking its last blow
And how
Can you call yourself a lover
All I know is I know love to hate,
And how good it feels, to love to hate you
Your lies....buried beneath the truth
Your lies... it’s so hard to see through
Regret me don’t forget me
I want you to remember
The last chance that you have to stay awake
|
|
|
[17 Apr 2006|12:31am] |
Life Update:
Work at la cucina:
Wednesday 5-Cl
Friday 5-cl
Sunday 5-cl
other than that...
call me
|
|
|
[11 Apr 2006|01:03am] |
So in conclusion have I made my decisions clear?
With every passing moment of my life this year
Well not exactly so that's what I am doing here
Would it be right to say that no one ever truly listens?
Or takes the time to understand what something means
Without opinion, bias, without a one-track mind
|
|
|
[06 Apr 2006|11:21pm] |
once you had a reason
and once you had a place
you had it all and laid it all to waste
and I know you hate to need us
but why'd you need to hate?
and where'd you learn to shoot without restraint?
you cut yourself so let me see you bleed
Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done these
You kill me
You've got some nerve
But can't face your mistakes
I know what I should do but I just can't turn away
So go on, love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Gotta take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
And so much regret
I know what you want to say
I know it but can't help but feel indifferently
I loved you and I should have said it
But tell me, just what has it ever meant?
I can't help it baby, this is who I am
Sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel
You kill me
You build me up but just to watch me break
|
|
|
[28 Mar 2006|04:27pm] |
Brandon "what kind of soup did you give me"?
Me "chicken noodle"
Brandon "that sum bitch just started dancin in the microwave"
Me "How long did you put it on for"
Brandon "only bout a minute but i swear that bitch was dancin"
ahh how do i love you bran. haha :)
|
|
|
[28 Mar 2006|12:34am] |
V FOR VENDETTA WAS THE MOST TWISTED, FUCKED UP, PEICE OF SHIT MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!
and i fucking loved it!
|
|
| a start of a new beginning |
[25 Mar 2006|12:54am] |
|
me and mr. brandon rodney mize are together. like we are supposed to be, happy again.
|
|
|
[23 Mar 2006|12:15am] |
|
i was blind all along, and the answer was right infront of me
|
|
|
[20 Mar 2006|11:51pm] |
|
tomarrow night is going to be fun
|
|
|
[18 Mar 2006|11:20pm] |
Shallow skin, I can paint with pain
I mark the trails on my arms with your disdain
Everyday it's the same - I LOVE, YOU HATE
But I guess I don't care anymore...
Fix my problems with the blade
While my eyes turn from blue to gray
God, the worst thing happened to me today
But I guess I don't care anymore
The more I touch, the less I feel
I'm lying to myself that it's not real
Why is everybody making such a big deal?
I'm never gonna care anymore
What the hell am I doing?
Is there anyone left in my life?
What the was I thinking?
Anybody want to tell me I'm fine?
Where the heck am I going?
Do I even need a reason to hide?
I am only betrayed
I am only conditioned to DIE!
Now I'm not pretty and I'm not cool
But I'm fat and I'm ugly and proud - So fuck you
Standing out is the new pretension
Streamline the sickness, half-assed aggression
The other side holds no secret
But this side is done, I don't need it
Before you go, you should know you're breaking down
You'll be rotten by the time you're underground
The things I have to take
Jesus it never ends
It works its way inside
If the pain goes on
I'm not gonna make it!
..all ive got is insane
|
|
|
[13 Mar 2006|11:59pm] |
Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
When everything is wrong we move along
When all you got to keep is strong
move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
move along just to make it through
|
|
|
[08 Mar 2006|10:37pm] |
la cucina can kiss my ass.
walk out scheduled: friday march 10 at approx 7:30pm. bitches
|
|
|
[17 Feb 2006|12:50am] |
|
i am ashamed to be the person that i am today
|
|
|
[09 Feb 2006|09:36pm] |
OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I J UST TYPED MY ENTIRE LIFE FUCKING STORY ON THIS PEICE OF SHIT WEBSITE SO I COULD FEEL A LITTLE BETTER AND THE FUCKING SHIT FUCKED UP. FUCK THIS MOTHER FUCKER. HERE I GO AGAIN.
what makes me so hard to love? am i not pretty enough? am i not skinny enough? what makes everyone else so fun to be around. is it just be in general? am i never going to amount to anything in this life? I cant stand another night alone like this, its getting the best(or should i say worst) of me. I feel like i came off the assembly line flat out fucked and the warranty ran out so my parents couldnt get a refund. i feel so alone all the time, that if im not working i would just go even more fucking crazy than i already am. i wont make this one out alive. all this pain. i feel like someone takes a sharp knife and jabs it into my back every fucking day. everytime im alone like this. i cant stand it one more day. there has to be a break somewhere. there has to be an answer.
this life is nothing but pain. I cant live another year thinking what im thinking, doing what im doing, and having no one to talk to. i need a best friend, i NEED someone to be there. some to call to say "hey ashley how are you!" i just NEED someone like that. imagine me as a crackhead without crack. thats how bad i NEED someone to be there for me.
this life was not invented to go through it alone and everyone knows that. then why do i feel like this? i called 9 people tonight, the ones that are my friends and everyone was out with someone else and couldnt stand to have me with them so i wasnt asked to go, or working (which is understandable because i do the same), or just making up lame ass fucking excuses. anything to STAY AWAY FROM ASHLEY!! this is my breaking point. yeah sure you say things will get fucking better, but i know nights like these will come again, and i dont want them.
thank you fucking lindy cheek for calling me back. your fucking awsome.
as for everyone else, "I'll call you back" is 14 letters & fuck you bitch is 12. add that up, multiply it by 2 and shove it up your ass.
dont fucking talk to me if your not planning on being my friend. if your not willing to put up with my shit let me know and ill erase you from my fucking head.
ps. to all you little bitches that expect ashley to be your little bitch your mistaken. for some of you, dont be expecting random suprises, joy rides or me to buy you shit.
i think thats the answer! ... i feel used
|
|
|
[09 Feb 2006|02:35pm] |
|
so i guess today is everyone avoid ashley day? damn that sucks, cuz i work tomarrow
|
|
|
[07 Feb 2006|12:49am] |
a poem i created:
You left me today, with nothing but half a cigarette and a bottle of tears
You’re saying you’re done, and you said you wanted out,
But what is there to do,
when you can’t do anything about the past?
Whatever happened,
Where ever you’ve been
Whatever you’ve done
It cant all be forgiven
Forever is never and today is gone,
Another day passes while I write this fucking song
For what you’ve done is unforgivable
Maybe one day you can forgive yourself
Let me know when never is,
and I’ll let you know the truth.
You’re dead to yourself, and also dead to me
You stopped breathing, the time you said that you were free.
I’m far from free, I’m a bird without wings,
crashing down into a fire of need.
Sometimes things are easier,
when you forget to breathe
|
|
|
[06 Feb 2006|10:40pm] |
Well I lied my face off when I said that I would be okay
It's never fine when you go away
These cuts run deep, these scars are permanent
And always on display
This makes things difficult for me
Well I lied my face off when I said that I would be okay
It's never fine when you go away
There's something i should tell you
for we may not have much time.
I've never seen scars like yours.
I thought that you were joking
When you said you couldn't breathe
You said you couldn't breathe
Turns out that you were choking
On a town you couldn't leave
You knew you'd never leave
I thought that you were sleeping
When i found you there in bed
I found you there in bed
When i touched you you were freezing
It turned out that you were dead
|
|
|
[06 Feb 2006|02:56pm] |
man fuck this.
everytime i try my hardest to do my best, it always ends up fucked up
what the hell is this life for?
its so fucking worthless
and fucking stupid.
i fucking hate it here,
at this place called "life"
or some shit
fuck everything about life really
fuck people too.
not everyone, just some people, people that tend to catch my fuck ups and rub it in
ive had enough of this fucking life again.
it always tends to get better, but this time...
this time i dont know if i want things to get better because its just so fucking pointless
fuck this shit...
i'll see you sooner than expected my friend
|
|
|
[05 Feb 2006|11:21pm] |
You told me that you want to die
I said I've been there myself more than a few times
And I go back every once in a while
You called me lucky, you.. you called me lucky.
You said tonight is a wonderful night to die
I asked you how you could tell you told me to look at the sky
Look at all those stars,
Look at how goddamn ugly the stars are.
It's one or another
Between a rope and a bottle
I can tell you're having trouble breathing
Cuz you'll never be OK
You'll never be OK
You'll always be in pain
You'll always feel this way
Cuz things they never work out right
the wrong way the lonely way
You'll always be in pain
You told me that the daylight burns you
and that the sunrise was enough to kill you
I said maybe you're a vampire
You said it's quite possible I feel truly dead inside.
It's one or another
Between a rope and a bottle
I can tell you're having trouble breathing
Don't forget to let your life rot you inside out.
|
|
|
[05 Feb 2006|04:09pm] |
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughin' in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone.
It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I been through
Just knowin' no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder
Who you'd be today.
Would you see the world, would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Somedays the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy.
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again some day
Someday..
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
black_emotion's journal